jimvanpelt (jimvanpelt) wrote,

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I Are a Writer, and So Can You

This whole writing gig is clearly made to look harder than it actually is by elitist Hemingway wannabes who only sound literate because they spend countless hours polishing one-line bon mots to sound spontaneous and witty, like that guy you saw at a party once who went home with three women while you discovered after two hours that the quiet beauty you were trying to woo was actually the coat rack.

Clearly all that someone needs to do to reap the rock star like monetary and social benefits of writing  is to regularly visit a web site like Seventh Sanctum.  Here, you can find such easy short cuts as the Quick Story Idea Generator that with the simple push of the button will get you started on your way with gems like "The theme of this story: dark adventure. The main character: weak champion. The start of the story: research. The end of the story: funeral," or "The theme of this story: psychological horror. The main character: driven heroine. The start of the story: conspiracy. The end of the story: insight." 

If you don't like that format, you can use an alternate story story program, like Story Generator that might give you the right push with this suggestion, "The story is about a technician, an artistic fisherman, and a dispirited princess who is engaged to a snide boatman. It takes place in a military town in a solar system of magical space travel. The story begins with a birth, climaxes with someone building a dwelling, and ends with an inheritance. The formation of the UN plays a major role in this story."

The site is useful for much more than that, though.  You can quickly come up with characters, like this one who I got from using the Vampire Generator program, "This wise male vampire has deep-set violet eyes with pupils shaped like crosses, and that can extend on stalks. His thick, wavy, night-black hair is neck-length and is worn in a dignified style. He is inhumanly tall and has a graceful build. He has an elegant nose and large hands. He can turn into a cloud of dust. He has the standard vampiric disabilities. He feeds on human ecstacy."

You can skip around to generate names, settings, descriptions . . . why, just about anything you would like.

This is high tech and so much better than the old days when you had to buy a book, like The Romance Writers' Phrase Book, where you had to thumb through a table of contents to find the chapters on eyes or voice descriptions if you couldn't be bothered to make up one of your own.  Who could resist a phrasing from the eyes chapter like, "There was an invitation in the smoldering depths of his eyes," or from the voice chapter, "He answered in a tense, clipped voice that forbade any questions."

[disclaimer:  Actually, I thought the Seventh Sanctum website was both entertaining and funny.  I don't think they intend it to be a real writing resource.  I'm pretty sure they don't.  Almost positive.]
Tags: weak attempts at humor
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